My passion is the one thing I hate.

Have you ever had something in your life that made you feel special or important? Like a hobby or a sport or even a job. Well I personally have a job that gives me a sense of pride like no other. It makes me feel like I have a duty, a sense of purpose. But there is only one thing that makes me want to put it all behind me. One thing that I know is that I would give up my job for Love, any day, of any week, of any month, of any year in my life. But what happens when you come so close to that and every time it doesn't work you can trace it back to the one other thing you love and want the most. Do you have to make a choice between them both? Do you have to give up one for the other? Must you?

I want to be with you. I want to wake up in a bed and the first person I see, be you! I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss your lips, even when you just wake up, or if your sick! Truthfully I just want you! Hopefully more will be written later!

Tired

Really Tired from yesterday, sorry. Will Get on here soon though. Promise!

Long Day (15 Hour Day to be exact) Not much thinking though!

Dear Friends,

Today was a long day, it was one that I think must have been one of the best though. I did not have to think a lot, actually I barely had to think at all. I went in at my usual time and then from there I had to go around 4:30 to do sand bag detail, till about 12:00 PM like I said long Day. But I did have fun with everyone there. Now I am watching the New Robin Hood, and I am going to talk to you guys later. Bye.

Another Day Down And another day I had to catch my self!

Today, was a crazy day started out really ruff. My NCO yelled at me and then one of the other soldier in our shop yelled at me, and by the second time of getting yelled at I flipped a switch and argued with her, we yelled at each other and then I pretty much left off in a rage to go calm myself down and think about what I had done. I was pretty upset with myself I felt like all my work these last couple of months had been for nothing, But hey things don't happen from one day to the next right? I was bound to hit a hiccup sooner or later. But its how I asses these things and handle them afterwards and prevent them from happening that will in the end make it all the better.

My Mom (Wally) cause I have two moms. But My Mom and I spoke today and she said she was so happy to hear from me, she said I sounded really happy and she really liked that. She was really proud of me she said and we talked for a little. I owe it all to Nali thought for giving me this boost and now I have too keep trucking along as they say, right?

Back Again, Sorry I left for a couple of days!

Hey Everyone,

Sorry I have been MIA I don't know what to say, I just have been really busy and really tired! I have thought about a lot the last couple of days though. Nali and I started talking on Tuesday on AIM and she was pretty mad, I guess over everything that has happend or what I did but either way it was harsh conversation, I mean I was partly at fault too I am no innocent by-standard. Anyways she asked me to call her back and when I did she said sorry for everything she has done. I apologized again for my own mistakes and we decided that we would let each other have some space and some time. That is good because it gives me time to change. When I get back I don't plan on anything but just simply stopping bye, giving her, her things and talking over a cup of coffee about how we are doing and seeing were things go from there.

Well besides that I thought about everything again, and Rachael has been in my head lately, I want to know why really bad. But I am just letting time take its toll and we will see what will happens after that. I didn't talk to her today but she keeps telling me to be patient, and I am not sure why, besides me not being a patient person. lol. But as a wise person once said I am going to have faith and let things take their course. Don't get me wrong, I am still going to try my best in life to make things happen, nothing just comes to you if you dont try.

As far as everything else goes, All this is really good, doing this blog is helping me a lot, and I really am happy about everything, its all come around. Well maybe not everything but most things, there are still things that I am hoping go better, and others that I am starting to have faith in. Either way I believe things are on the right track and I dont want to slow down.

Tired

I am too tired to write and not feeling that great, I'll write today in the mornin, when I wake up.

The second one for today. (Rachael Read with your own discretion)

So, Ok I haven't been able to take Nali off of my mind right? Not till the end of today. I talked to Rachael again for the first time in a while. I don't mean talk like hi, but talked like we had a conversation and we actually shared our life's with each other. On top of all that she is the first person/thing to take my mind of Nali. So I have to wonder if she means anything more, actually I know she does. I have never yelled at her, or been mad at her, I really just enjoy her company, and I have to think that there is more between us, or at least I believe it so. So, I am going to hope that we can keep talking and somewhere along the way I can have some chance with her.

But I don't want to be with her till the time is right, I said it before I am not ready, I need to change, and I'm going to. I just hope I don't lose her before it's to late. A man can only go through this so many times. But Rachael if you do read this, I promise I will always do my best, and you wont ever worry about me hurting you, in any way shape or form. Ok?