Today was hard for me. I received Nali's package in the mail today and well it felt horrible cause it is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and it sucks that for someone who cared soo much about me how I could treat them in such a cold manner. I wish someone new my pain, I wish there was someone who realy understood my love for her. I wish she could understand it. And know that I am not lying to her or deceiving her, or even trying to manipulate her. All I am trying to do is lead an honest and good, and yelling free life, with the person I love the most.

I have never believed in soul mates I never believed there was such a thing. I always just believe that there are a group of people that are like one another and if you meet one of them then you would be with them, and if something happened then you would go on to find the next person in that category and be done with it. Well, truth is that everyday that passes is another day I have with out Nali. And as much as I want to force myself to believe there are others out there for me, I am starting to believe there might never be someone as perfect for me as her. I may find someone to settle for but that is all it will ever be, a settling. Truth is I dont want to settle, I don't want to be with out the love of my life. You can call it crap or some mambo jumbo, but I call true love. I am scared to meet Nali, I am scared that if I do meet her that she will reject me, and I don't know if I can take rejection from her, like I have taken so many rejections in the past. You see as I might have been scared of getting rejected in the past it wasn't the loosing out on the girl that scared me, it was just my confidence and the fear of rejection that was a little scary. But Nalini changed all that, she made me scared of missing out on being the best thing in each others life. I don't know if I can ever meet her, because I don't know if my heart can honestly handle not being by her side.

I had a dream about her today, I dreamed of our first kiss, and to me it was the most magical dream I have ever had. Will I ever dream about another girl this way? Will my feeling for her ever be surpassed? For now these questions will be left unanswered. But Always know.

I Love You, Nali.